He said he wants to make love to me.

He can't love me, he just fucking CAN'T.

I can't deal with this.

I don't know how to deal with this.


I barely know the man. He can't. I can't.

He's going to say those words again and I'm going to blush and choke up like a goddamn schoolgirl. It's disgusting.

I don't know what to do.

Roy, what do I do?

This isn't like us. He doesn't want me as a soldier. He wants me as a lover. Not equal--deeper than that. Complete.

WHat the fuck am I supposed to do?

Heheh...

Ready or not Frank, here he comes...

(I hope you don't mind, but I'm putting all of Flame's stuff in spare room--though if you're uncomfortable with the thought of him in the same bed as us--don't worry. i'll sleep in the middle <3 )

Okay okay--in lieu of our currennt...predicaments and safety concerns...

I propose that Flame stays at our place.

If that lizard bitch is after our asses and Greed is after my our lives, then our best bet is to stay together. Two nationally certified alchemists and a gunman--c'mon. we could kick some SERIOUS ass together--i mean, I know Flame and I can, but if you joined us, Frank...that would be HOT.

He should sleep on the bed too--if those bastards broke into the house, and if Flame was on the couch--they could pick him off EASILY. So he needs to stay in bed with us.



[EDIT]
Okay--dually noted, but I propose a movie night for whenever Flame gets over here.

Silent Hill, bitches...and pizza...

...and mint chocolate icecream.

figured i'd finally post the shots of Flame and I being idiots playing Jenga.

( Click for images )

i do NOT want to be here! the fucking lamp deserved what it got! i was TRYING to get to the kitchen for something to drink, and i swear the fucking thing fell on me!

it deserved what it got.

my nose is stuffed up, and i can't smell, and my temper is shorter than Fullmetal.

the forks deserved what they got too...

so here i am IN BED, GODDAMNIT--with the juice that i CAN'T FUCKING TASTE! bah...and i'm already running low on this box of tissues...and i don't want to sleep...

goddamnit...i'm miserable.



this just isn't cool...and Frank...you said...wecould rent a movie right? i just want to say now--do NOT make me sit through your political bullshit or something like Citizen Cane or Schindler's List.

I demand Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

...and icecream. my throat hurts again.

if i make it through work today without passing out, i will be the luckiest bastard alive. i hate being sick...i want to stay home...

fuckin' hell...i think i'm getting sick. i can't believe it...overexerted myself...this SUCKS.

and my nose is all sniffly. i want a tissue damnit.


...and soup...lots of soup.

oh yeah--almost forgot--

ROY, YOU SUCK. D=

and i lied--you'll be blonde for at least two weeks

Alright, this time around, i'll try and sound a bit more intelligent about what's going on.

REDSTONES, BITCHES. REDSTONES.

DAY 2 1100 HOURS
we were trucked back out into the middle of buttfuck-nowhere--not the same as yesterday, but it's close. they ask us to pair off with whoever we chose yesterday--and so what if we were a little late? i was busy having the most intelligent fucking conversation i'd had in years. if i'm up until past four am, i think i should be allowed to sleep in. after all--as an alchemist,i'm doing a great service to my country.

but anyway... after we're paired off, they start calling us up...and we get more live target practice apparently--two on two. and god--these new alchemists have no idea what they're doing. they're talking upwards of five minutes--ten in some cases to get over their preconceptions and reservations on killing to get to work and END IT.

Flame and i exchange a few words while watching, namely on a strategy... and when we get up, we demand--not two adversaries--but FOUR. and we get them.

it was a RUSH. a GLORIOUS RUSH.

Flame distracts with a wall of fire--I rush in and start blasting shit, and he plays damage control and picks off what i can't get. we're a pretty decent team i'd love to see how frank and i act in the heat of battle

1700 HOURS
After Flame was done consoling StrongArm--who was just being a big moralistic WUSS about the whole thing, we were trucked back into town. and as we're walking back to the hotel, someone walks on by, talking about a party down at the Pritchard house. and i stop and think for a second. i know this area pretty well, you know? so i give it a bit more time and realize that i knew these people when i was a kid. and oddly enough, the parents were buddies with Flame's (apparently his family used to have a summer house down in Aerugo, and this city was a halfway point for them to stop and spend a night before traveling on)

so we decide to crash the party. that is--after getting food.

1800 HOURS
pizza, soda,and booze was obtained (wherein the pizza and soda were immediately devoured, so no one else could have any), and we left for said party...

teenagers. EVERYWHERE. this was no normal house party. this was a "my parents are out of town, so let's trash the place" party. but then again, who was i to refuse an open house? so we go one in and everyone is impressed by the great state alchemists (Flame got to be the living lighter--half the people there wanted him to light up their cigarettes)

but we sat around, ate their food, drank their liquor (myself less than Flame--i wanted to remember how the hell to get back to the hotel)and then came the kareoke.

now i've never boasted that i was much of a singer--but Flame and I ROCKED THE FUCKING HOUSE Frank--we should go sometime and find a place in the city that does kareoke. it's fun. so we dominated that for a few hours, playing on a 3 song/3 round setup. we left around 0120 hours, and passed out soon after we got back to the room.

DAY 3 1320 HOURS
WHY THE HELL DID WE SLEEP IN SO FUCKING LATE?!

okay, so we hauled ass out of bed and ran out to grab some late breakfast before leaving. got some pancakes and made Flame a blonde XD

it's never been so nice to be home...

Frank...give me three hours, and i'm going to rock your fucking world.



dually noted--it seems i forgot my cellphone at home. wtf...guess i'm just not used to carrying it around. i'll have to be more careful.

also, after i'm done rocking you like a hurricane work, we're going to the coffee shop, and we're playing jenga. non-negotiable. we're going, and you're going to like it.

FUCK YES

[EDIT] muh nuh muh nuh doot dooo do do doot XD!

[EDITEDIT] STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY JOURNAL =O

0900 HOURS
Got picked up and joined a truckload of greenhorns and a few alchemists that look familiar (it seems not everyone responded to their summons--i heard a few from the Ishbalan war fled the whole goddamn country just so they wouldn't have to get caught up in a new war with Drachma. But due to that, they called in a bunch of new idiots who've never even DREAMED of seeing battle. this is going to be fun.

1600 HOURS
truck stopped and everyone was ordered out--seems we'd stopped a few miles outside of a town, down by a river. we're south--you can tell by how sandy the earth gets--we're close to home--i know it. but there were a decent amount of trees nearby, as well as a river. we were told that this was for a preliminary test--every alchemist was to show off his or her specialty--as our surroundings could be used as rough base material for transmutation. i didn't particularly care about their overblown pissing contest (if you're in the military, you should be battle-ready at a moments notice). so i was trying to strip down and get into the river when they called me over. some pompous-ass colonel demanded i show him what i could do--so i told him to fuck off.

then they shoved a prisoner at me. well, well...it seems those numbskulls had really come prepared... so i did what i do best; i blew the bastard up. needless to say, i was allowed into the water fairly quickly after that.

1645 HOURS
Flame showed up. no idea why he wasn't in the main convoy with the rest of us. oh well.

1830 HOURS
trucked back into town where we're going to spend the night. before everyone scattered, we were ordered to pair off what the fuck. i thought we ditched the "buddy system" after basic training!. well, with all the rumors and stories going around about me, the greenhorns immediately joined up with each other--as the vets did with each other as well--leaving only me and Flame left. charming.

1900 HOURS
dinner time. apparently, there's some kind of festival going on, so all of the restaurants are packed--leaving us with a 30 minute wait time. so Flame and I look around and snack a bit before dinner and look around at the vendors. some booth was set up for "henna", whatever the fuck that is. but Flame wanted some of the shit on his hand Xing hippie. so i had to sit around and amuse myself until he was done. but once it was done, i finally got to look at it...it was a pretty interesting design--it's supposed to stain for up to ten days after you put it on.

we were called into the restaurant before thirty minutes (at least the service is quick), and ordered soon after we were seated. i got some chicken and a beer, and he got some soup and water the pussy. We sat around and discussed the war while waiting for our food. he caught me people-watching and asked me about it. told him i was analyzing people--everyone if different, and depending how different, it can be easier or harder to detonate them. he asked me who i thought would be easiest, and i pointed to a guy across the room from us--a younger guy with a bandana on. Flame accused me of picking him because he was hot--i denied and explained why i picked him, but in the end, we both agreed he was pretty damn good looking.

on Flame's end of things, i mentioned air currents and how it might have been more difficult to create a spark in a room full of people--all expelling carbon dioxide. though, he did raise a good point by called out the bottles of liquor behind the bar and how easily they could se off a chain reaction and blow the whole place to hell. Mmm...it was a nice talk... but once we'd finished eating, we stuck the tab to the military, and we heard back outside.

1940 HOURS
back out at the carnival--i've still no idea why they're letting us wander around, but free time is free time. i love it. i got a shirt that says some derogatory things about the Fuhrer, and after another beer, Flame talked me into getting one of those henna things. i feel like a queer, but it looks cool, so i don't really care.

2000 HOURS
Stopped at a late-night coffee shop and bought absolutely nothing. the place reminded me of the coffee shop that frank took me too--it's pretty nice... we sat around and talked more, listening to other customers and a few of our own soldiers that had wandered in from the street. when we got bored, we started looking around the place, and found that they actually had games and stuff sitting around. i haven't seen a fucking monopoly board since i was eight.

so we played Jenga. it started off as a game of strategy; pick the easiest block to move, and get it to the top. then it started getting interesting.

chaos tower.

whenever we'd end a game, i'd insist we stack the next one as fast as possible, regardless of errors, and we'd play from there.

i haven't laughed this hard in years

2200 HOURS
finally got to see the inside of our hotel room--pretty shabby. but i've seen worse, so i'm not about to complain. we talked some more.

2400 HOURS
ozone and charcoal
sulfur and explosions

0200 HOURS

we'll work together
i've got your back

0400 HOURS

like spartans equals

war-buddies

they're trying to partner up all the alchemists in this war--thinking a two-pronged attack will be stronger than one. i agree.

0445 HOURS

hungry as fuck. ate some instant noodles. passed the fuck out.

well, like yesterday it was patrol then paperwork. still boring as hell, but at least something interesting happened today.

when i got home, there was a letter waiting for me--from the military no less. apparently i'm being summoned for something--it doesn't say what for...

Mmmmm...secrecy...sounds tasty...

but in any case--they're sending a car early in the morning for me. no idea when i'll be back--probably by monday. guess i'd better start packing. i don't want to keep my adoring fans waiting come tomorrow morning...

only had to work patrol only half of my scheduled time. but the second they got me off the streets, i was in an office filing paperwork.

my live is SO fufilling right now < /sarcasm >

so i was stuck for three and a half hours filing some idiot's forgotten paperwork. so help me god, whoever fucked up--they're on my shit list.

but it's late and i'm tired...AND SUPPOSEDLY I HAVE TO DO THE SAME FCKING THING TOMORROW.

...

ahem

goodnight

lunch was good, and i want to go back tomorrow--especially if the cocksuck is treating again.

also, my bruises are healing nicely--they're not black and blue and more. they're more like...yellow and gray. yay battle scars.

FUCK. I'll be gone all day--be back around 8:45-9pm (with hopefully a breaks from noon-2pm,and 3:15-6pm)

Frank, I can trust there'll be dinner waiting for me when I get home?

i did a few hours extraof patrol work for some extra cash. but while wandering around the HQ i got to thinking...

it's simple really... he pays the bills and keeps the house in good order.

all while i lounge around, eat his food, use his shower, steal his covers (only when he does it first. it gets colder than you think in that house at night.)

i'm an alchemist. i live on the principle of touka koukan--equivelant exchange.

figured i might as well even the score a little. so i did some yard work.

mowed...raked..made a general mess of myself. but i got the front and back yard, so i'm feeling fairly productive. sweaty--but productive.

_{i swiped a pastry from the fridge--call it the price he's paying for my hardwork hope he wasn't planning to eat it}

they called today.

no idea how they got this number or even how they found out i was alive.

i think i need to be alone today.

i waited on him. i checked my fucking journal at least three times before finding his comments. why the hell should i care if he's here or not?

i guess... it's because he's the 'superior officer'. the nicer i am, the nicer he is and...

goddamnit. that's not it at all.

ever since i joined the military, people have feared me for my power--for the very destruction that waits within the palms of my hands. he doesn't fear me in the least...

human beings are made up of elements, and are worth nothing more than the useless price the drugstores charge for them.

so why did i wait? people fear me...yet he stands steadfast and puts himself above me. he has no right. he can't be above me. he's... he's nothing.

why did i wait?

we danced. it shouldn't be different from doing it with anyone else. but he stumbled and glared and tried. anyone else would have called it endearing or cute.

but it's not.

i stole his shirt right off his back--wanted to show i could havea little power over him--eve if not much. i wanted to strip him down and show the world that i was the only one who could get away with it. but when he asked, i gave him my shirt.

we danced. for a second out there on the floor... we were in sync with each other. i knew him and he knew me. but the bastard just had to complain and break the moment.

so i stormed off to get drinks. it would have been nice to get drunk, but with greed on his way, i can't afford to make that mistake. i met mustang at the bar. i wanted to jump him. i wanted to take him aside and fuck him so hard that he wouldn't even be able to THINK about walking. for once i didn't want to fuck him to make him remember. i wanted to fuck him so i could forget.

i was interrupted before i could lay a hand on him. a drunkard was raving on about "the truth" and "the innocents". The bastard was scared for his life--he was shaking in his seat. he was dressed like he'd come from work or something... i SWEAR i've seen clothes like that somewhere...

they kicked him out. i bet he's dead now.

i took frank back into the bathrooms and into a stall. i shoved him up against a wall and fucked him. dominance, goddamnit. the man refuses to acknowlege it.

HE IS NOT ABOVE ME.

i liked it in there, in the club. but when he said he wanted to go home, i shrugged, feigned indifference, and followed. it was still raining.

it's refreshing--the rain. it feels good. cleansing--like it could wash off all this fucking confusion. he called me back under the umbrella. i went.

our shoulders bumped as we walked--both huddled under that goddamn umbrella--he dressed my in shirt.

it was not comforting.

i didn't like it.

i can't.

he went to bed, but i'm still here. i can't get to sleep.

goddamnit.

why did i wait?

so frank finally showed up at the club right?

good-fucking-GOD. that man had NO IDEA how to dance. it was funny as hell for the first five minutes--then i had to teach him... wasn't necessarily a bad thing... had to get close--the place was packed. told you people before--once he gets moving, those hips are ENTRANCING.

after a while,he complained of being hot.

so i stole his shirt. then he bitched,so i gave him mine. i'll have to say--it was flattering the way his eyes were locked on me...

but when i got tired of dancing,i went to the bar to pick up a few drinks for us. needless to say,i got distracted when i found mustang up there. WHY he was,i've no idea. but before i could harass molest talk to him, some guy a few seats down starting making a fuss about "the truth" and "the innocents" and how the secrecy would kill him before "they" did. drunken weirdo. i think he got kicked out.

mustang must have slipped out sometime during the guy's rant, because when i turned around,he was gone. oh well. no big loss.

though thinking about him got me a little frisky. took it out on frank in the bathroom--pretty sure he enjoyed it. good for him.

was a bit more relaxed after that and danced until frank started bitching that he was miserable and wanted to go home. fine. whatever.

so we go home, but like the mother-hen he is--he made me stand under the umbrella with him. meh.

but now it's late and i'm home and...

nevermind.

frank, i'm not waiting up on you. it's still early, but i'm bored as hell. i'm going to grab a sandwich or something before the shops close up, and then go to the club.

if you want to come, then head on over. if you don't, call me on my cellphone. either way--if you go anywhere tonight, bring an umbrella.it looks like rain again.